Elevated Motivation

I have been so worried with our big move to New Jersey, that I haven't been living my life.

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So I have to elevate my motivation and be ME. For example, I love that American Express commercial where the fashion designer, Diane von Furstenberg, says "I never knew what I wanted to do with my life - just the type of woman I wanted to be." I know it is just a commercial, but I was starting to live my life based on what other people wanted from me...completely losing myself. The "what the heck am I going to do with my life" question has been an ongoing scream in my mind. This commercial (and a few other things - don't worry), have made me realize that I need to rephrase the question to ask "who do I want to be?"

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Okay. So far, so good. I am feeling positive. I love to travel, paint, create, draw, organize, analyze statistics (I know, I know - I am weird...), be spontaneous, write, (blog), work with animals, get a little dirty, try new things, play violin, live in music (yes, you know what I mean), play capoeira, cycle, spin, dance, attempt pilates and yoga (both pretty funny to watch - I definitely need to work on my flexibility), run, and read. I know there is so much more - but that's what I truly LOVE. [Got a job for me?]

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Next step. Wow, this is scary. Exact measurements. Online. For all to see. Which makes me wonder; why am I so affraid? Why are most women so affraid of what are basically random numbers? Our clothing system doesn't even contain "REAL" numbers like the mens' department does. Would it not be easier for my jeans to all say 28 with a 33-35" inseam (depending on heels, of course). I do not understand our 0-2-4-6-8-10-12-14-16 system! (Or even S-M-L!) It is so arbitrary! And every clothing line is different! But I digress...here they are: bust: 34", waist: 27-1/2", hips: 36-1/2", and inseam: 33"...oh yeah, and 5'9" and (gulp)...133 pounds.

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There, I did it. Now I can get over it and move on with my life. Why it was holding me back...well, I doubt that I will ever know. So what do I do now? Where do I go from here?

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Outside Magazines May 2008 is a good start. It says "The 50 Best Jobs" on the cover and was handed to me by my husband at a bookstore Monday night. Companies I have always wanted to work for and jobs that I would kill for are listed...along with real people who work for some of them. Like the article says, a lot of work now-a-days comes from who you know rather than what you know, but I think you have to take a chance for love - and just apply. Anyhow, I have been researching all day and applied for a few jobs just to get the ball rolling. (I have found that the best way to apply to work for a company if you really want the job is by contacting their hiring/temp agencies. That's how I got my last job, anyhow.

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If you need a little background on me; I started off at the University of Connecticuts' fantastic School of Business and to the horror of my parents, dropped out of the school of business and in to the college of liberal arts and sciences to study ethology (animal behaivor) or specifically; primatology (basically...monkeys). Since I was at UConn, I couldn't be so specific, so my degree reads "Psychology." I have held jobs ranging from mucking stalls at a horse ranch, to being a photo technician at a pharmacy, to an administrative assistant (and dog-sitter) for an electrical company, to a research associate at a biotech, to an art teacher, blah blah blah...and now I am working for myself (though I'm earning pennies) by selling my art, photography, and surface design on Etsy. Crazy crazy crazy. What's even crazier is thinking that someone is actually reading this.

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Well, that's where I am for now. Where to go? Who to become? I seem to be at a loss for words...but if you have the job for me, please let me know.